Back to Work

Clean desk. Not for long.

So today is my first day back to work since early December. I am amazed to be doing something that feels like "normal" life: getting myself up early and putting on "teacher clothes" instead of yoga pants, getting in my little car and buzzing up the interstate to the community college where I work, parking by the campus community garden (the subject of so many favorite photos I have taken in the past couple of years), walking into the Humanities Building, unlocking my office, dropping my book bag on the floor and turning on the lights, fetching water for my electric kettle and making tea, settling in to check emails and get ready for classes. The best part has been all the heartfelt and gracious greetings from colleagues. And of course it's great to see the students bustling to and from classes and hanging out in the lounges. 

I'm so grateful for the colleagues who have covered my assigned classes since the beginning of the term; I know the students in the classes I am picking up have been well taught in these early weeks of this semester. I've never been in a situation like this one, where I have had to begin teaching classes already substantially underway, but this week I'm just sitting in to get warmed up. I'll take the helm for real next week. Wish me luck!

Through the day, I've gotten to tell my story a few times to colleagues I've not seen in awhile, and I also decided to go ahead and tell the students why I've been out. Awhile ago, I thought that if I returned to the classroom, we'd all just say to the students that I was on "sick leave" and that I had gotten better, and was back. No details. But since I've decided to be more public about having lung cancer, it seemed reasonable to tell the students about it today when I was introduced to the classes. I am what lung cancer looks like. And, by all accounts today -- all the "you look wonderfuls!" and the "so glad to see yous" and "you look just greats" -- I guess I must look pretty good. I'm at my normal plump weight, and my skin color is good. I recently had a haircut and got new glasses. So, to look at me, I guess one wouldn't necessarily see a lung cancer patient. I don't look sick, despite having Stage IV disease, so yay! Another reason to be grateful.

I know I feel ever so much better since the last time I was on campus, which was early in January, just to grab a few books out of my office and talk with folks who would be picking up my slack. And to be honest, I wasn't certain then if I'd be able to return at all this spring. But as the weeks went on and I started getting past the side effects of Xalkori and feeling stronger, I became more hopeful. Then, last week's good news from the CT scan sealed the deal. I still have cancer, and will have it for the foreseeable future. My natural breathing isn't what it once was, but I each day I feel stronger and better than I did the day before.

So now, it's my hope to stay well enough to teach through the spring term. I am confident that will happen, and then we'll see after that. For now, I'm taking it day by day and week by week. Gratefully.